Been wanting to write this post for a month now.
Here’s what nobody tells you: friendship in your 30s is weird.
It’s not that we stop loving people.
It’s just that life starts to stretch us—thin.
Between babies and bosses, deadlines and dentist appointments, long commutes and even longer marriages, we get tired.
Tired of texting first.
Tired of chasing.
Tired of wondering if we’re too much or not enough.
Some friends move away. Some disappear into motherhood or mountains or marriages that don’t allow space for the old versions of us.
And some just… stop calling.
It hurts.
Even if we understand.
Even if we’ve done it too.
But here’s the truth I’ve come to:
Friendship is not hard because we’re older.
It’s hard because now, we notice the imbalance.
In our 20s, we confused availability with intimacy.
Now, we know better.
Now, we understand that proximity doesn’t equal connection.
Now, we’re not here for half-hearted, transactional, “only-when-you-need-something” friendships.
Now, we’re looking for truth tellers.
For women who will remember your big interview,
who will babysit without making it weird,
who will text “How are you, really?” and wait for the answer.
And here’s my belief, maybe a little inconvenient, definitely true:
Friendship is just as hard—or just as easy—as the effort we put in.
If it matters, we make time. If it doesn’t, we don’t.
And if we’re the only ones making time?
If we’re the ones always circling back, always checking in, always initiating?
That’s not friendship.
That’s a full-time job we never applied for.
So let’s be brave.
Let’s say the awkward goodbyes.
Let’s stop begging people to love us well.
Let’s grieve the friendships that have expired,
and leave space for the ones that feel like home.
Let’s show up for the friends who show up.
Even if it’s just a heart emoji on a hard day (did you know that is called ‘pebbling’? Love that).
Even if it’s a 2-minute voice note between meetings.
Even if it’s messy and inconsistent and a little broken—but it’s real.
Because we don’t need dozens.
We just need a few who make us feel a little less alone on this wild ride.
And if we don’t have them yet?
We stay open.
We stay soft.
We keep showing up as the kind of friend we wish we had.
Because that’s how we find each other.
#ThisIs30 #GrownUpFriendships #SoftAndStrong #StayOpen #LetItBeReal
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